The Chase

I had an Senior resident who was seeing a Patient that we all knew from a multitude of Admissions to Blue Ridge Psychiatric Hospital, part of the University of Virginia set underneath Monticello.The Resident was Jorge Cortina and the Patient, I will call Stanley,

If you have ever read the Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, the Character of Ignatius, forever cursed with a Valve that would often get stuck, it would give you some decent imagery of Stanley. He was about 5' 8", 290 lb's, all blubber , topped off with Greasy Red Hair.

His issues were more those of a Severe inadequacy to Live in this Life in a Fashion that would keep him from Getting into trouble. He was Gay, and there were always issues of abusive or uninterested Lovers. They would take turns making each other miserable enough for one to leave and when Stanley was Homeless..... he would call 911 , get picked up by the Police,and thus arrive in the UVA ER. Once there, he would swear undying and Eternal suicidality in the UVA Emergency Room Psychiatric Triage Unit, thus earning a bed on the Psych Unit where dutifully to our admitting schedules we almost all had a chance to know him well over the years.

It was Jorge's job as Chief Resident to keep Stanley under wraps enough where we could all get a break from him. I thanked the Stars , it wasn't my job. I would make solemn vows to not quite measure up enough to my Professors' Standards ,so I would not be honored by them with entrusting me with someone of Stanley's Psychopathological Magnitude.

The day was going along uneventfully in the clinic, I was tossing out Prescriptions and trying to perform textbook Psychotherapeutic techniques on my own Patients, when I heard a Scream, a Shriek and Jorge's Voice, on the loudspeaker yelling, "Stop him, he's got a Knife ! ....I set back a microsecond and wondered who and where to stop this Miscreant, but then jumped up and ran to the stairwell that led out the back beside my office. To my amazement and several of my compadres', we heard Jorge yelling and High Pitched Squeals mixed with huffing and very heavy footfalls coming down this very Stairwell.

Jorge was on the 4th floor , I was on the first. On the stairwell landing in between 2nd and first, with a large black briefcase in his hand came Stanley flushed, wild-eyed, and already sweaty. Jorge as always, handsome and dapper in his calm, rational voice had stopped yelling and was just speaking loudly, "Stanley, hold up! "

The Game was up when Stanley saw us waiting below, the mysterious Black Briefcase making his Poor natural balance even worse.... and in a blink of an eye, Stanley had tripped, sprawled and splayed out, like a thrashing Carp and the possibly Weaponized Briefcase had Sprung open, now displaying its contents to the world.

Now, I have seen things that have made me one wonder about Human Nature and reflect upon whether it is ever truly safe to leave our homes, but the contents of this Large Battered Briefcase were stunning in their possibilities that led a Person to prepare it. Was it very Symbolic, Pedestrian, Metaphysical,Performance Art, or a Random Act?

Stanley's Black Leather Briefcase was not carrying a knife or any weapon..instead it was stuffed full of loose Beanie Weenies (at least 10 large cans, I approximated,) opened and dumped unencumbered into the Briefcase. In the Beanie Weenie Sea, were two Sauce covered XXL-Super sized Tidy Whitey's.

I do not have a Photograph of it or a YouTube Clip, but in my Mind's Eye, I know for sure that the Memory will play like a Blu-Ray Movie anytime I want and will never lose any of its Freshness, Poignancy, Shock or Clarity.

And I always...Always ....Laugh......