Shamed Straight: Educators Adopting Humiliation Tactics to Correct Woeful American Children
Desperate to combat an epidemic of egocentric malaise, stagnant test scores, and rising obesity rates amongst America's children, many schools around the nation have begun adopting new negative reinforcement tactics in an effort to turn the tide. "Nice has its price - and that price is failure," remarked Reginald Paxton, Vice Chairman of Lompoc Unified School District in California, "It's a tough world out there, and telling our kids that they're all special in the face of cold, hard evidence of the contrary is not doing anyone any good. Lazy, fat and stupid is no way to spend a life."
Throughout the K-12 public schools of Ohio's Franklin County, where the failures of underperforming children have long been overshadowed by the commendation of less incompetent students, the shortcomings of kids most in need of motivation are now being publically recognized with non-awards and certificates of failure.
Commented Sarah Bowers, Principal of Garfield Elementary School in Columbus: "Any parent is willing to put a bumper sticker on their car that says, 'My child is an honor student at Garfield Elementary', but we're trying to emphasize to folks that it is just as important to display a sticker that says, 'My child is a below average student at Garfield Elementary', or, 'My child is wasting everybody's time at Garfield Elementary'.
Citing the power of shame to correct impudent, slothful conduct, Broward County Superintendant of Education Monroe Burdick defended his own schools' new motivational stickers and t-shirts, that bear such messages as, 'My child is the fattest student at Millikan Middle School', and 'My daughter shit her pants at Fowler Elementary'.
"These methods work. Granted, the child will experience some moderate to extreme embarrassment, but I defy anyone to argue that this is somehow not preferable to suffering a curtailed lifetime addled by symptoms associated with morbid obesity, much less the interminable shame of chronic self-defecation."
Supporting Burdick's claims are testimonials from children who've had his tactics applied to them.
Ryan Ruttermen, 9, described the positive results he's experienced since his mother began making it public knowledge that the confines of his school are barely large enough to accomodate the size of his enormous ass: "Everybody laughs and makes fun of me. I'm nervous all the time and can't sleep or eat."
Desperate to combat an epidemic of egocentric malaise, stagnant test scores, and rising obesity rates amongst America's children, many schools around the nation have begun adopting new negative reinforcement tactics in an effort to turn the tide. "Nice has its price - and that price is failure," remarked Reginald Paxton, Vice Chairman of Lompoc Unified School District in California, "It's a tough world out there, and telling our kids that they're all special in the face of cold, hard evidence of the contrary is not doing anyone any good. Lazy, fat and stupid is no way to spend a life."
Throughout the K-12 public schools of Ohio's Franklin County, where the failures of underperforming children have long been overshadowed by the commendation of less incompetent students, the shortcomings of kids most in need of motivation are now being publically recognized with non-awards and certificates of failure.
Commented Sarah Bowers, Principal of Garfield Elementary School in Columbus: "Any parent is willing to put a bumper sticker on their car that says, 'My child is an honor student at Garfield Elementary', but we're trying to emphasize to folks that it is just as important to display a sticker that says, 'My child is a below average student at Garfield Elementary', or, 'My child is wasting everybody's time at Garfield Elementary'.
Citing the power of shame to correct impudent, slothful conduct, Broward County Superintendant of Education Monroe Burdick defended his own schools' new motivational stickers and t-shirts, that bear such messages as, 'My child is the fattest student at Millikan Middle School', and 'My daughter shit her pants at Fowler Elementary'.
"These methods work. Granted, the child will experience some moderate to extreme embarrassment, but I defy anyone to argue that this is somehow not preferable to suffering a curtailed lifetime addled by symptoms associated with morbid obesity, much less the interminable shame of chronic self-defecation."
Supporting Burdick's claims are testimonials from children who've had his tactics applied to them.
Ryan Ruttermen, 9, described the positive results he's experienced since his mother began making it public knowledge that the confines of his school are barely large enough to accomodate the size of his enormous ass: "Everybody laughs and makes fun of me. I'm nervous all the time and can't sleep or eat."
1 comment:
Thanks for the morning laugh, Doc! This was a good one!
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