The Triple Threat

I was taking overnight call at the State Hospital when the phone woke me out of a shallow sleep. Rather than the usual, it was the County Police asking if they could pick me up to go see a patient.

Immediately I went into Good Resident's, extra work blocking mode, "Whoa, Guys, I would love to help but I can't leave the hospital grounds. I am the only doc in the whole hospital.

"Sir, we understand that, but we have one of your patients just off grounds and you need to come talk her down or we are going to have a big problem.

To me it seemed like we must already have a big problem, but the car came and I got in with two exasperated deputies. "We got one of your ladies," he said sarcastically,"down by the tracks".

As there was a rail line that bordered the property, this was certainly possible..still, I started cursing under my breath, as I was sure it wasn't that simple.

" So what's she doing down there, to drag you guys out so late?"

"You will get to see it soon enough, I think" laughed Smart ass Cop #2.

We drove over the hill and down the dirt road toward the Tracks, and there she was.

Brenda S, Forty-ish, Flirty and a Fatty. They neglected to mention that she was not just "on the tracks" but was actually on the train trestle, almost exactly in the middle. The Deputies and Hospital Security were on either side but nobody looked to be in the rocky creek below.

Brenda.."Oh Shit!", she was well known for quasi suicidal stunts and had her only real Psychiatric Diagnosis as Borderline Personality, with histrionic traits. She was likely loving this , Oh Man,what a stage for her to display her talents.

She saw me walk up, yelled sweetly, "I knew you would come for me, Lover" and then proceeded to totter purposely on the bridge. "Check out what else she has" whispered Smart Ass #1.

"Lord, what did I do wrong". Not only was she threatening to jump, but she had a razor blade in one hand and pills in the other. So ....she could jump, OD, and slice her wrist all at the same time. A surreal feeling overcome me, and I almost laughed out loud. This would not have been good. The Triple Threat!

"Brenda, what are you doing up there" I asked innocently.

"You know what I'm doing , Sweetie" she retorted.

"Come on over and lets get you back before you freeze to death..or I do" I spoke with my best "Come hither" voice.

"I don't think so, Hon, if I am going to kill myself why would I worry about a little cold? Huh? You're Head shrinking again" she noted with fairly good humored laughter.

While we were talking one of the more experienced cops had run a rope underneath the bridge and was moving under it towards Brenda. So maybe now I would just have to keep her talking for a minute or two and then see if he could sneak up on her and snag her, or otherwise he'd probably scare her into accidentally falling off. I knew she didn't want to die, but she would play this for all it was worth. I knew her too well.

"Hey Brenda, how we gonna get married if you are jumping off bridges?" I called out. I swear to God a fat dimple showed and she made a tickled sound almost like a "Tee-Hee".

We chatted for a few more minutes and then the James Bond Cop, jumped up and grabbed her firmly and his fellows all rushed her.

She put up a little fuss, more when she knew she was safe off of the trestle. I think that with that many guys chasing and grabbing her was probably the most fun and male attention she had received in some time.

They had her cuffed, but she was smiling. I got in beside her in the sheriff's back seat.

"Hi , Doc Sweetie..what next"

"Lets go home Brenda, I'll buy you some Coffee"